I’m not rich. Far from it. I’m not like running to the bank to file for bankruptcy or taking up residence in a station wagon or anything like that, but we have to meet up with a lot of ends around here or whatever it is they say about people who are broke. I’ll put it this way, as my late grandfather would always say: if thieves came and robbed my house, all they'd get is practice.
My paternal great grandfather owned a general store in Kings Creek, Kentucky. My husband’s step-dad owns a chain of convenience store/gas stations. My second favorite job of all time was working as a cashier at Food City. Maybe grocery stores are in our blood.
Yesterday Christian made a ta-ta-tower on the hearth. They put the dinosaurs inside and played for a while. Then, I took them to Granny’s so I could have some much needed “me” time. Katie came home last night and Christian (tried) to stay at Granny’s.
She asked for some paper and set down in front of the ta-ta-tower. I thought she was going to draw a picture of it, but instead she started copying words off of the cans.
Her: Mom what does P-E-A-C-H-E-S spell?
Her: Peaches. pa-pa-ea-ea-ch-ch-es
Me: Right! Good job!
Her: Mom, which letters make the “ch” sound?
Me: The “ch”. Church, peach, change, each.
Her: Am I learning to read?
Me: Yes, you are!
Boom!!! She and I butt heads
sometimes a lot. She doesn’t like being told how to do things. I love that she is taking opportunities to learn on her own!
My little sweetheart turned 3 during my hiatus! I still can’t wrap my head around it!
He’s currently dragging the canned food out of the pantry and building a ta-ta-tower on the hearth (fireplace doesn’t work).
As an infant he was completely different than his sister. He loved to be held and loved to kiss and cuddle. Jackpot bonus for this mama — he STILL loves it!
The birthday boy drags around a “sleepy night night” shirt (aka the Mom shirt) almost everywhere he goes. He loves dinosaurs, trains, and having a snack!
He’s a fast learner and loves to climb! He’s a force to be reckoned with — be can be very stubborn.
He is an excellent helper and loves to play with his sister!
Happy (belated) birthday!
Where have I been? Why haven’t I posted in a couple months? My husband is bipolar. Things have been rough around here.
For two or three years we treated depression with Paxil. Once or twice a month he had a manic episode, but he was mostly able to maintain. He held a job, played with the kids, and maintained a mostly normal life with us. Around the first of the year things started to change. He was in a full blown depressive state. His manic episodes started to decrease and eventually disappear altogether.
So here I was juggling a toddler, a preschooler, and a husband with mental illness. I tried in the beginning to mask it all from the children, but eventually they caught on. Daddy went from playing with them all day to not at all. He went from bike rides and trips to the park to 20 hours a day in bed. He lost interest in: music, video games, family, and everything else he ever enjoyed.
He started counseling in the spring. I believe he tried to hide the severity of it all from them. I’m not sure. I didn’t go to all of his appointments. Since July he’s been through 4 or 5 different medications for treatment of bipolar or depression. We’re still getting no where…and fast!
We shut off Directv and within a day or two internet service will be off. We’re living on SNAP, my part time babysitting gigs, and thankfully the generosity of friends and family. I am at the point where I need to work, but can not. He has several appointments per week. I can not afford child care and he is unable to keep them. It’s basically a big mess.
After an anxiety attack and a trip to the ER this week we may have found some help. He was approved for a more intensive outpatient program. He will be able to see a counselor 2 or 3 times a week instead of once a month. He’ll have an opportunity to participate in group therapy as well. It will not be a permanent solution, but it will be a step in the right direction.
Please remember that mental illness effects a whole family…even extended family! Please do what you can do be a helper to the people in your life who have mental illness. The smallest things can mean the world to a family in this situation. Today a high school friend dropped by: paper towels, toilet paper, and the makings for laundry soap!!! I am blessed beyond belief!!!
Last week Katie and I read “The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers”.
I agreed with some of the things it was teaching, but parts I vehemently disagree with with. One of the most important messages to me was that kids should not keep secrets for adults. I explained to her that if an adult has a secret they should trust it to another adult, but never a kid. We also went over adults asking kids for help looking for puppies, etc. They should always ask an adult!!!
I don’t want my kids to be afraid of every single person they meet. I am raising them to be free range kids. I think it’s okay if they say hello to a random stranger. It’s okay if they say thank you when someone holds the door for us. After this discussion she curled up on the couch. Her arms were tucked in. She was upset about something. My mind was racing. My stomach was in knots. I had to ask.
Me: Honey, is something bothering you.
Her: (shifty eyes)
Me: Did someone ask you to keep a secret for them?
Her: (sob) Yes! (sob)
Me: Okay, who was it? An adult should never ask a kid to hold a secret. You should always tell me or dad if they do. Always.
Her: Mamaw. She bought me Monster High Dolls!
Me: (thankful) Well, she knows mama doesn’t like them.
Her: Can I keep them please?
Me: I think you can keep them, but they have to stay at her house.
Her: She got me a Monster High nightgown too!
Me : Really?!
So Mamaw posted this picture on FB:
- Short, short skirts
- Sexy shoes
- Super teeny tiny waists
- Over the top make up (I don’t know anyone in high school that uses that much make up!)
- The appearance they’re about to go clubbing….all the time!
- Their dark theme
We have lots of Barbie dolls. I have issues with Barbie’s itty bitty waist, but all of our Barbie’s have ball gowns. They aren’t out in street corner attire! How do I resolve my issue with Monster High? We are going to allow her to keep what she has at Mamaw’s house, but ask that they don’t add to the collection. She only stays over with Mamaw once a month so I can’t see it doing that much harm. My Grandma used to let me drink her cold coffee…and I turned out fine!
I think I’m finally ready to share this.
I haven’t blogged much lately. I have been in a very low point as a parent. I have been the kind of parent I don’t want to be. Here I am admitting my guilt, my defeat, and my pledge to my husband and children to get back on track.
Let’s start at the beginning. I have terrible anxiety issues. I am on an prescription for those issues. I also use lavender essential oil to help calm me. This problem is 100% my problem. I have let my daughter take the blame for our out of control house. It was never her fault. It was never her burden to carry. It was mine.
Three weeks ago Katie had a terrible nightmare. She dreamed that someone had attacked her in her tree fort…put a zipper in her mouth….zipped her mouth closed…and she puked. Pretty horrible, right?! From that point until two days ago she would get more than 4-6 feet away from Mike and I. I had to accompany her to the bathroom. Every time I turned she was on top of my feet again. I got stressed out. I got upset. I was not a nice mom.
I was very impatient and uncaring. I was the worst mom ever. I let my need for “me time” override my five year old’s need for comfort, security, and safety. I should have had both arms open to her. Instead, I was freaked out that my free range kid was crowded me out. How do I mend this broken fence, because it is broken.
What can I do to reassure her this will never happen again? I want her to always feel confident that her mama will meet her needs. I want her to know I am her safe haven.
She is out with her Papaw right now. When she gets back I will make a little time for her and I to read a book. Maybe we’ll have a tea party or bake cookies. I aim to work every single day to never to the person I have been for the last few weeks.
My friend Kim got new chicks!
I <3 fresh eggs, but back in the day my little sister locked me in the chicken coop. I’ve been a little afraid of them ever since!